#Blessings

Today I have been thinking how blessed Mike and I are. 2 years ago we got engaged and started to prepare for the amazing journey called Marriage. We got married, and 6 months later we bought a house in Pendleton. Not someplace either of us thought we would moved to, but we loved the house. Because of where we moved to, we have some amazing neighbors, that have helped us out in those moments of trying to figure out what it means to be homeowners.

A few months after moving in, we decided that we were officially going to announce our plans to adopt. We knew that we were called to adopt, we just didn't know when it would happen.

Six months after moving, we decided to visit the church where a friend had referred us to. We never would have thought that the first church we had visited after moving would be the one that God had planned for us to be at, but it was. We are now both members of Clemson UMC, and God constantly keeps showing us that He had His plans for us to be there.

In the past 2 years, it is amazing how much has changed, and how God keeps blessing us (even in the uncertainty over the years). And through it all, we continue to reach for the goal that God has called us to: Adoption. We know it will happen, we just don't know the exact moment of when our children will be with us, but we know it is coming.

So as you go about your day, I pray that you realize how blessed you are. It may just be small blessings, but they all add up to amazing big blessings.

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

The Art of Being Not Okay

There is a special art to being "Okay" or "Fine" when asked by another person.  

And where this thought comes from is the women's retreat I went on this weekend.  I have a great tendency to tell people "I'm fine" or "I'm okay", when really I'm stressed, angry, upset, or just plain tired.  But I've kind of grown into the idea that I have to do this.  Call it a defense mechanism, but for me, it is my armor against the world (which does include my family and friends sometimes).  And I know that I'm not alone.  There are millions of women that live with this "Fine" armor, telling everyone they are okay, when are actually the exact opposite on the inside.

I went to a women's retreat this past weekend, where we talked about this one session.  And it got to me.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  Is this something that I want to teach my children?  Do I want them to feel that they have to put on this act of perfection, when all they need to do is be present as they are?

And for the first time in a while, I'm breathing in a new idea.  It is totally okay not to be fine 100% of the time. And I need to start being honest with my family, my friends, and my tribe.  Today, I challenge you to do the same.

So how are you doing?

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

Today's Post is Sponsored By the Word Yet.

So our pastor at church for New Years service gave a wonderful message about the Power of Yet (actually, I think her actual sermon said it was the Magic of Yet... Same thing for the purposes of this post :-P).  She said, no matter where you are, no matter what you have or haven't done, you can use the word yet to give you the hope you need to get there.

And when you think about that, that is a really small but powerful word.  "Yet" can go so many places.  It can be used in the place of "but", or can be placed as the final word of a sentence before a period.  It is almost as awesome as a comma or semi colon.  It means you aren't finished; There is more to come.  

Let me repeat that:  "Yet" means it isn't finished, that there is MORE to come!  How inspiring, how hope-inducing is that? 

So I started saying it.  And I started using it when I was asked about the adoption.  It was a way to say, I know that we aren't where I want to be RIGHT NOW, YET we are getting there in the time frame it needs to be.  We don't have all the money for the adoption yet. 

And it feels good to say it like that.  It reminded me that we will get the money.  It may take FOREVER (or at least feel like it).  I may stress, and then stress Mike out, yet we will get there together.  And it will be worth it.  

In whatever place you find yourself in, remember the power of yet.  Find hope in the things yet to come, and start working on those things that you can. 

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

Age Is Just A Number

So a couple of weeks ago, I read this article, What’s the Point of Adopting a 17-year-old Kid?  And it brought up something I never had thought of.

The whole point of the article is that just because a child is about to become an adult (i.e. turn 18), that doesn't mean that they don't need a parent still.  Looking back at my own history, I don't know what I would have done without my mom & dad to help me out as I was learning what it meant to be an adult.  I can only imagine what it would be like for teens that haven't had the most stable life.
It was so thought provoking, I sent it to Mike.  And on the way home, we talked about it.  We want to have a family, we want to help children, and we know what it means it would take to adopt an older child: It means going through DSS and doing a lot of hard work and potentially expensive renovations to qualify for adopting an older child.

BUT, we are considering what we need to do to help give a child, an older child, a chance to have someone to lean on once they turn 18.

With that being said, say a prayer as we continue to save/earn/raise the money and consider the ways we will grow our family.

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

Open For The Joy Of It

So I have spent the past 3.5 months doing nothing but crocheting.  Cocoon Cardigans, beanies, slouch hats, messy bun beanies, Christmas ornaments, and a few other things.

My favorite project so far has been an infinity scarf for a little 3-year-old girl.  Her mother and I had talked about what she might want, and we agreed that the little girl should pick out her yarn.  On the Sunday when we did the yarn exchange, I measured her for the scarf and watched as she kept touch the yarn.  She was so excited, but in some ways she had no idea what was coming.  She only had a picture of what the yarn would look like when knit/crocheted.  She didn't know what her scarf would look like, feel like, or how it would fit around her neck.  She only knew she had to wait to get her scarf.

Less than a week later, it was Christmas Eve, the scarf was ready (with an extra surprise of a matching ear-warmer headband), and I had it in my lap as Mike & I waited to see the family of the little girl.  When they came up, the little girl just stared at her scarf.  She knew what it was, she had been dreaming about it probably the whole week with the way she looked at it.  She was so excited that in the warm building she rushed to put on the scarf, and when people greeted her, she showed it off.  She was so happy, so proud, so joyful at finally having her scarf.

Looking back, I see a lot of similarities between that little girl and I.  We both had something that we had an idea about what it will be and we had a wait time.  While the little girls was only a week (though for her it might have felt like millions of weeks), Mike & I are still waiting for our joyful moment just to start the adoption.  And it will happen.  We are just having to wait. And I know that when that moment comes, I will be just like that little girl.  Excited, joyful, sharing with everyone who comes near me the joy that I am feeling that we finally can start the official paperwork and process.

So just remember in the waiting it might be hard, but there is joy ahead.

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

Power of the Potluck

Mike & I joined a church in December.  And after Mike's baptism and us both joining the church, our pastor announced to the church that we are in the process of trying to adopt.

It was amazing the people who came to talk to us.  Some had never even considered adoption, but wanted to support us.  Someone came up to us and told us how she was adopted, and she loved hearing about others doing the same thing.  And then there was the couple who came up and said that they too had adopted many years ago and that they understood what we are going through.

It is amazing the people that we meet that are interested in adoption, have been adopted, or have adopted a child.  It helps to remind us that we are not the first ones to go down this path, and that we have an amazing support group.

So, why did I choose this verse for this post?  Well, first off, the majority of the women I spend time with at church all love food and fellowship (yes, my circle group believes in the Power of the Potluck).  But, for me, this also shows how a family trying to adopt should be received.

This particular verse is talking about the early Church, meeting in homes and having meals together.  Sharing in a type of fellowship that sometimes seems to be far away in today's world of technology & altogether business.  But for me, this shows me that sharing in a meal, sharing in a time together, sharing in an experience, all helps to build us up for the journey ahead.  For us, this means the adoption we haven't even started yet.  For others, this might be a child going away for college, the loss of a parent, difficulties at work.  When we come together and share with each other our joys and our struggles, we are experiencing a type of fellowship we were called to.

So, as you go about your day, know that if you want to celebrate the Power of the Potluck, or just need someone to talk to, we are here for you.

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons

It Comes With The Morning Light

Last month was a hard month.  Between seeing everyone excited to celebrate Christmas with their children, still being stuck at 1/4 mark of our adoption funds goal, me crocheting mindlessly to raise money for the adoption, and both of us going through our personal possessions to sell, it was just a hard month.

Oh, and to top the month off, for about a week, we thought I might have been pregnant.

Yeah... 

But a negative pregnancy test and a week-late period later, we knew we weren't.  And it hurt (and that is probably a HUGE understatement).

Now, don't misunderstand what was said... Even if we got pregnant, we are still going to adopt.  We know we are called to adopt, and as soon as we get the funds, we will be starting the paperwork and hopefully be adopting our child/children.  But when you are constantly praying for a miracle (whether biological or adopted), it is hard not to get excited when something makes you think that maybe God has finally answered your prayer.

And to be honest, I was so angry.  I cried out to God asking what is so wrong with me that He is making us wait so long to grow our family?  What have I done that my prayers go unanswered?  It's not like I'm asking for Him to kill someone, or for the winning lottery ticket without playing the lottery.

I didn't get an answer.  No giant sign fell from the sky, no Heavenly Host showed up to give me a gloriously light & sung message from God.

What I did find is that I love my husband beyond words.  He rubbed and scratched my back, he bought me the cheap Walmart earrings I wanted, and reminded me that there is a plan for us (we just don't know all the plot points that will get us where we need to be yet).

And it was as I was writing this post that I remembered this verse (see photo at top of post).  Granted, when Paul was writing this to the Romans, he was talking about persecution of Christians and the hope of Heaven.  But I think this verse applies to every waiting family that is struggling with infertility and/or adoption.   Because the struggle is real (cliche, I know); and the pain, heartache, and knowledge that we can't do this any faster doesn't help.  BUT there is hope, there is joy, and there the faith to know that something that is an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL MIRACLE is going to be ours. One day.

So in your struggles today, know that you aren't alone.  I'm cheering you on with whatever you are struggling with.  Know that there is hope and that there is joy waiting for you on the other side of your struggles.

Cana
#FindingOurCrayons