Last month was a hard month. Between seeing everyone excited to celebrate Christmas with their children, still being stuck at 1/4 mark of our adoption funds goal, me crocheting mindlessly to raise money for the adoption, and both of us going through our personal possessions to sell, it was just a hard month.
Oh, and to top the month off, for about a week, we thought I might have been pregnant.
But a negative pregnancy test and a week-late period later, we knew we weren't. And it hurt (and that is probably a HUGE understatement).
Now, don't misunderstand what was said... Even if we got pregnant, we are still going to adopt. We know we are called to adopt, and as soon as we get the funds, we will be starting the paperwork and hopefully be adopting our child/children. But when you are constantly praying for a miracle (whether biological or adopted), it is hard not to get excited when something makes you think that maybe God has finally answered your prayer.
And to be honest, I was so angry. I cried out to God asking what is so wrong with me that He is making us wait so long to grow our family? What have I done that my prayers go unanswered? It's not like I'm asking for Him to kill someone, or for the winning lottery ticket without playing the lottery.
I didn't get an answer. No giant sign fell from the sky, no Heavenly Host showed up to give me a gloriously light & sung message from God.
What I did find is that I love my husband beyond words. He rubbed and scratched my back, he bought me the cheap Walmart earrings I wanted, and reminded me that there is a plan for us (we just don't know all the plot points that will get us where we need to be yet).
And it was as I was writing this post that I remembered this verse (see photo at top of post). Granted, when Paul was writing this to the Romans, he was talking about persecution of Christians and the hope of Heaven. But I think this verse applies to every waiting family that is struggling with infertility and/or adoption. Because the struggle is real (cliche, I know); and the pain, heartache, and knowledge that we can't do this any faster doesn't help. BUT there is hope, there is joy, and there the faith to know that something that is an AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL MIRACLE is going to be ours. One day.
So in your struggles today, know that you aren't alone. I'm cheering you on with whatever you are struggling with. Know that there is hope and that there is joy waiting for you on the other side of your struggles.